Ted Cruz Campaign Getting Weird

Postcards from a Sociopath

Hi Derek, Ted Cruz here. Writing to make sure you saw my recent op-ed entitled “Why being the Zodiac Killer does not disqualify me from becoming the President of the United States.” Many people believe I am the Zodiac because I’ve never denied it. But this is America, so when people believe stuff that makes it true. Like the Zodiac I am white, male and a complete fucking sociopath. My world view is somewhat more demented than the Zodiac. I call that PERSONAL personal growth, Derek.

Please do not misinterpret this letter as an admission of guilt unless doing so would influence you to vote for me. In that case you should assume I am a serial killer or just check my voting record for proof that I am an actual murderer. Either way, you and I both know that I am a piece of shit totally suited for the office. That’s why I’m writing you today to personally ask for your vote!

Please respond with your decision so I can be sure your vote is not counted to totally serial kill you if you say no. (if you’re lucky)

I will vote for Ted:

◻ yes
◻ no

Love Ted

*I do not give my permission for this card to be used as evidence against me in a court of law. Please respect my privacy and bodily autonomy I am a man with rights!

Originally published at https://www.tumblr.com on September 29, 2020.